Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart
by caprijoy
Summary: She tried to live without him, she really did. But these days he was making it increasingly difficult to numb the pain in her heart. He was making it difficult for her to give up on them. Takes place after Sloan shows up at Mark's door/AU McSlexie!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own any part of Grey's Anatomy.  
This story takes place after Sloan shows up at Mark's door, everything after is completely AU.**

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**Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart**

"Why don't you hold me, need me? I thought you told me you'd never leave me? Looking in the sky I could see your face and I knew right where I fit in  
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you, right till the end."  
- Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart by Alicia Keys

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Her presence astounded him. It twisted and tore at his insides. His heart sunk and a burning sensation radiated up his stomach, through his lungs and produced bile in his mouth. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to run or scream or faint. His confusion turned into frustration and then to pain. Blistering, gut-wrenching. excruciating, mind-blowing pain.

The moment he opened the door his breath hitched. It felt as though the world around him was crumbling to the ground. This was what he wanted; he wanted his daughter to come to him, in her own time. He wanted his daughter to share with him the miracle of his grandchild. He wanted his daughter to trust him with her life and with her child's. He wanted his daughter to accept him, believe in him. Believe that he could be responsible, believe that he could be a father and a grandfather, believe that whatever was thrown at them, they could handle together. But all of it somehow seemed twisted and malformed and just wrong; all of it was wrong.

The only person that had ever believed in him like that, believed in him at all wasn't here. She wasn't here. She wasn't around to know what to do. She wasn't around to calm him down, to calm Sloan down. She wasn't here to be quirky and cute, yet smart and sophisticated. She wasn't here to talk him through this. She wasn't here. She wasn't by his side. She wasn't where he wanted her to be, where he knew she was supposed to be. He couldn't do this without her. He couldn't be the person he wanted his daughter to trust him to be without her. He wasn't the person he wanted his grandchild to trust him to be without her. He couldn't be that person without her. She made him loyal and capable and worthy of any chance. He wasn't anything without her.

It was funny, ironic even. Though the pain of seeing his own long lost daughter stabbed at him and broke him in unimaginable ways, though the pain of the brief but powerful memories he had acquired and shared with her and the dark, ominous memories of when she left ripped at his heart, though the audacity of her departure left him empty inside, it was nothing compared to the pain he felt when he turned around at the sound of his name. It was nothing compared to the knife that tore through him at the voice that wasn't as high and elevating as the one he wanted. It was nothing compared to the collapse he felt inside himself when he was met with piercing blue eyes instead of the big, brown doe ones he so desperately desired at this moment.

"Mark," Teddy repeated, clad in only his recently discarded shirt. "Mark, she needs to go to the hospital."

Mark shook his head, attempting to numb his thoughts, numb his pain, "Right, hospital, right."

"I don't think we have that much time," Sloan cried out loudly. "The baby wants out, now!"

"I'll go get Torres and Yang," Teddy stated quickly, before taking note of Mark's far off look. "Mark?"

"Right, Torres and Yang." Mark repeated to himself, placing an arm around his daughter as he walked her into the room. The only thing registering in his mind as he laid blanket and towels on the floor and assisted Sloan onto the ground, were his daughter's repetitive and panicked words, "Dad, where is Lexie?"

Where is Lexie?

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Sloan slept silently in her hospital bed on the third floor of Seattle Grace as Mark paced outside the closed door. It was only four in the morning and already his mind was spinning with the happenings of the day. Sloan had given birth on the floor of his apartment to a beautiful, healthy, little boy. Mark couldn't comprehend it. What was going through Sloan's head? Did she want to keep her son? Did she still want to give him up? Would she let Mark take care of him? Could Mark take care of another life? Would Mark ruin him? Could Mark redeem himself, show once and for all that he was capable of responsibility and a sturdy relationship? Mark thought of the little boy that now laid a few flights of stairs away, sleeping silently just as his mother was doing now. How could such a lovely and innocent little face stir such trouble?

A voice broke him from his troubling thoughts, "I just heard, I came as soon as I found out. How is she doing? How's the baby doing?"

Mark's mind went blank. Here she stood, within mere feet of him. He couldn't fathom it. She was here, in front of him, caring about Sloan and the baby; the very thing that broke them up to begin with. She was here for him, even though he hadn't picked her, he hadn't chosen her, and yet, she was here. "Lexie."

She looked up to meet him face-to-face. Her big, doe brown eyes showed nothing but concern; not anger, not regret, not sadness, just sympathy. He smiled slightly as he took in her appearance. Her scrub top was on backwards, her pant legs were haphazardly thrown up, more than likely to ensue a speedy access to her shoes, which were mismatching and showed only one sock. She held his gaze as she ran her slender fingers threw her dark blonde hair and worked it into a knot atop her head. After awhile she fidgeted, pulling at the hem of her scrub top, "Is it-" she paused briefly, fearing his response, "Um, is it alright that I'm here?"

Her worries shook Mark from his daze, she was here, this was his Lexie. No, this was Lexie, just Lexie. But he would take just Lexie for now, if it was the only Lexie he could have at the moment. He shook his head and watched as her eyes fell, misinterpreting his response. "No, no, of course it's okay that you're here. Sloan-" He shook his head again, "I, I'm glad you here."

Color filled her cheeks as Lexie faced the window into Sloan's room, "How is she doing?"

Mark shoved his hands in his pockets as he fought the urge to wrap her in his arms. She was here, Lexie was here, everything was going to be okay. Sloan, the baby; he was going to be okay. Mark forced his gaze away from the woman who would always hold his heart in the palm of her delicate, ineffectual fists, and towards his daughter. "She's holding up. She's stable, just tired."

Lexie nodded, it took everything within her not to look at Mark. She could tell he was hurting. Sloan was stable physically, but she knew just as well as he did that her emotional state was about to spiral out of control. Lexie knew Sloan left, promising Mark she'd never be seen again, nor would her son. Lexie knew Mark was alone, just like her. Maybe they had others, other trysts and affairs, but with anyone but Mark, Lexie felt completely alone; she was completely alone.

It's dangerous, falling that hard for a man who wasn't sure if he could fall back. She had never calculated the risks of their relationship, and that wasn't like her. She went with her heart instead of her head and it had led her astray. She had placed all of her trust, all of her belief, and all of her love into her relationship. Mark was her rock, her reason to wake up in the morning and her reason to come home at night. He was her best friend, the only one she could truly rely on, the one she could tell all her secrets too. Mark Sloan was the love of her life. In the fog of her feelings, she didn't realize how much she would lose if she lost him. It was dangerous, love was dangerous, Mark Sloan was dangerous.

"How's he doing?" Lexie asked quietly, her eyes focusing on Sloan's hanging IV bag.

Mark turned to face the side of Lexie's head. She was biting her lip and pulling at her top, he could tell she was stifling what she really wanted to say; in fear of nervously rambling. "He's beautiful, Lex."

At his sincerity, Lexie turned to meet Mark's eyes, "Yeah?" She asked with a genuine, and yet broken, smile.

Mark nodded with pride, enamored with the woman standing in front of him. She was hurting, falling to pieces in front of him, and yet she still took happiness in other people's happiness. His daughter was stable, healthy after birthing a thriving baby boy. His grandson was handsome, like all Sloans naturally were. The love of his life was a mere three feet away from his fingertips. He had everything, and yet, he had nothing at all. He didn't feel relief, he didn't feel pure jubilation, he didn't feel anything he was supposed to feel. He just felt empty.

Mark took a single step forward, closing the distance between them. He heard her take a sharp intake of breath in anticipation of what he was about to do. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Eternity past in a matter of seconds, as his lips softly pressed into hers. It was everything, this was everything, Mark thought. It was everything, but it wasn't enough. Before he could resolve a next course of action, hands slid to the back of his neck and pulled him closer towards Lexie.

She pressed her lips hard against his, running her finger through his hair on the back of his head. His hands instinctively gripped her waist and pulled her body into his, leaving no room for air nor doubt. His tongue swept the inside of her mouth and she whimpered. She had missed this, this feeling of complacency and anxiety all at the same time. She had missed the way their bodies had molded together, fitting perfectly together like a key in a lock. She had missed the way nothing else mattered in his arms, nothing but them. She had missed him. She had missed him so much.

At this thought she kissed him harder, she kissed him with the pain she had held within her tired bones these past weeks without him. She kissed him with the loneliness she had been left with at the helm of his choice. She kissed him with the anger, the passion, and the remorse that their absence from each other had left them with. She kissed him with everything she had left inside of her. She kissed him with an intensity unmatched by any either had ever known.

It was too soon when he pulled away. It was too soon when she opened her eyes to be met with his. It was too soon when he whispered to her, his arms still wrapped around her small frame. It was too soon when she felt his breath tickle against her cheeks, "I miss you." It was too soon.

Lexie pulled herself from his embrace, taking two firm steps back. She looked down at her mismatching shoes as her mind raced. Just because this moment was perfect, just because their kiss was perfect, just because the idea of them was so incredibly and unbelievably perfect; that didn't change anything. He was still Mark, she was still Lexie, and in the end they were still the couple that, in the end, didn't work out, couldn't work it out. They were still them and they were still devastatingly unperfect.

Lexie spoke softly, "I'm glad Sloan and the baby are okay." She turned silently, avoiding Mark's eyes.

Mark whispered brokenly to her retreating back, "I still love you, Lex."

She paused, her back towards his desperate eyes. She willed herself not to shed any tears, not in front of him. "It doesn't change anything."

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Reviews are Love  
Love makes more Chapters

Thanks for Reading! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart**

"Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes.  
And even when I'm scared, I have to try to fly. Sometimes i fall, but I've seen it done before."  
- These Walls by Teddy Geiger

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This was stupid, she was being stupid. So they kissed. So what? It didn't mean anything. There was anger, there was hurt, there was nostalgia; but that didn't constitute as love. That didn't even constitute as lust. The only thing that kiss conveyed was that there was longing. Longing for the past, the normalcy that they both felt when they were together. Longing for how simple things used to be before there ever was a Sloan, or a baby Sloan, or anything other than a Mark and a Lexie. They longed for who they used to be, that's all. But it didn't matter now anyways, she wasn't who she used to be and nor was he. At least he wasn't the person she used to think he was.

So with this rational explanation, it was simple to see that she was just being stupid. The kiss didn't change anything, and it certainly didn't mean she should be hiding in a supply closet on the surgical floor.

"Get it together, Little Grey." Lexie shook her head and rubbed her face. "He's just a guy. You've moved on. He didn't want you enough to keep you. He didn't beg you to stay. He didn't propose any mutual sacrifices. He didn't try to make us work." She laughed out loud, "He didn't, he didn't even bother to ask you to reconsider."

Lexie's rant was interrupted by the opening of the closet door, "Dr. Grey?" A perky voice questioned, the speaker taking a cautious step into the supply closet.

Lexie stood up, grabbing an abundance of items that were the closest to her, "Um, yes? Do you need something, Dr. Robbins?"

The blonde shook her head, looking briefly at the floor and pursing her lips.

Lexie's brow furrowed at the pediatric surgeon's current mannerisms, "Um, are you… are you okay, Dr. Robbins?" Lexie tilted her head, trying to meet Arizona's eyes, of which were glued to Lexie's mismatched shoes. "You seem, well, you don't seem like yourself."

Arizona smiled, finally lifting her head to meet Lexie's eyes. She smiled and she shrugged her shoulders, "I'm trying not to meddle."

Lexie raised an eyebrow, still a bit confused, "Oh."

The blonde nodded, "Yes, I'm trying not to meddle, because that's what I do; I meddle. I meddle and I try to fix." She paused briefly before bringing her fist below her chin and thrusting it outwards, "I'm a fixer."

Lexie looked at the random medical supplies in her hands, still not grasping the older surgeon's meaning, "I don't think I understand."

Arizona put her hands in her pockets and stared the darker blonde down with a knowing gleam in her eye, "You just, you seem sad. And as a meddler and a fixer, I want to meddle and fix. And I'm trying to restrain, but you're making it awfully difficult, because you're here and you're sad and you seem in desperate need of fixing."

Lexie smiled shyly, "Really, Dr. Robbins, I'm fine. I'm not sad and I don't need to be fixed. I was just in here grabbing some supplies for a patient."

"No," the attending shook her head, "no, you are sad and you do, you do need to be fixed. You dyed your hair, that's the first sign of a cry for help. You dyed your hair and you've locked yourself away in supply closet. These are all indications of your desperate need for repair. Also, you grabbed a bedpan, a nasal olive and two IV bags," Arizona removed one of her hands from her coat to point at the items in Lexie's arms, "and I know for a fact that rounds don't start for another twenty minutes so there is no way that you'd be needing supplies at this time. Nor would there be any need for you to be in the supply closet. Nor would there be any need for you to be talking to yourself in the supply closet." The blonde took a deep breath, before continuing, "I do, however, know that at this very moment Dr. Sloan, Sloan, and baby Sloan are all in the hospital and I can only imagine that the combination of all that Sloan DNA in one confined space can't be healthy for your condition nor your heart. So you're sad, and you need to be fixed, and I can help." A wide smile spread across Dr. Robbins' face as she offered her assistance.

Lexie put the supplies down, knowing full well she'd be caught. She wasn't going to deny it, everybody knew her history with the Sloan clan. Everybody knew she was hurting. Everybody knew it was only a matter of time before she had a complete mental break down. Everybody knew she wasn't completely over Mark Sloan, she wasn't going deny it. But she certainly wasn't going to admit it either. "Thank you, Dr. Robbins." Lexie sighed, with a small smile.

Arizona kept her smile while she politely corrected the brunette address, "Arizona."

Lexie bit her lip, "Thank you, Arizona. But I don't think it's possible for you to help me, even if I did need it."

The blonde's smile never faltered, she it wasn't like she didn't expect Dr. Grey to be apprehensive to the offer. She waited patiently as she prompted the younger doctor to continue.

"You're the source of my 'sadness''," Lexie made air quotes with her fingers as she spoke the word, "best friend's girlfriend, so by association, I can't speak to you with problems concerning your girlfriend's best friend without reasonably fearing that I've put you in a compromising position."

Arizona sighed, "That does seem to put us in a pickle." Arizona slanted her mouth to the right in thought, "But you would, you understand, have my word that my romantic life would not interfere with my professional friend life."

Lexie smiled at the surgeon's attempt at an olive branch, "As much as that means, I don't think it's a good idea. But it does, mean a lot; more than you know. Thank you, Dr. Robbins."

"Arizona," she corrected, "you may not deem it suitable for me to be your friend, but I am still hoping you can be mine." The blonde still held an air of optimism, "We don't have to talk about you're sadness or your mismatched shoes, we can talk about nothing at all. And we can drink, we can definitely drink. Friends drink together. And then one day, after the nothing and the drinking, maybe then you'll trust me enough to allow me to be your friend."

Arizona opened the closet door, before turning back to Lexie, "I'm an awesome friend, and as an awesome friend, I'd never let you talk to yourself in a supply closet. It's part of the friend code I live by."

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins." Lexie smiled, shaking her dark blonde head; for the first time, in a long time, she was comforted by the fact that somebody was willing to find mutual ground with her, even if it wasn't the person she had hoped it'd be.

"You're welcome, Lexie."

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Rounds were brutal. And they certainly didn't help Lexie's encumbered mind.

Dr. Yang's methods, while sometimes unconventional to say the least, would usually succeed in distracting Lexie's mind from wandering to unproductive areas of thought. The constant strive to answer questions correct, as to not seem ill-prepared. The incessant need to harbor the correct manner in which to present ideas, recommendations, and brown-nosing, trying to avoid pissing off their resident. The consistency of badgering remarks and rebuttals Dr. Yang dished out, always kept the interns on their toes. However, today Lexie couldn't shake her mood.

The vivid memory of this morning was haunting her mind. She missed every opportunity to answer Dr. Yang's inquisitions. She had fumbled on every attempt to express her knowledge. She found herself zoning in and out of patient inquiries. Lexie Grey was off her game.

"Nowland, you're with Shepard. Spalding, you're with Bailey. Mostow, you're in charge of crash cart in trauma." Yang half-heartedly read off her clipboard, before looking up to give her interns a withering stare. "Do not embarrass me." At this statement, the aspiring surgeons dispersed to their assigned areas of duty.

"Um, Dr. Yang?" The remaining intern asked, confused as to where she was supposed to go.

"Little Grey." Christina acknowledged her with a nod.

Lexie let out a slight nervous laugh, which ended up sounding like an exasperated scoff, "You didn't, um- you didn't say where I was supposed to report to."

Christina sighed and Lexie was taken aback. Normally Christina's sighs consisted annoyance and an air of authority, but this sigh was different, sympathetic almost. "Little Grey."

Lexie looked around, they were standing by the surgical floor nurse's station. No doctors rushed to surgeries around them, no patients scrambled to and from the cafeteria, no nurses answered phones nor scrawled on documents in their vicinity. They were alone. Little Grey and Yang. Lexie gulped nervously.

"I'm supposed to assign you to PEDS." Christina divulged uncomfortably, "I'm supposed to tell you to report to Robbins. I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to..." Her sentence drifted into silence.

"Dr. Yang?" The intern stated nervously, this was a part of her superior she had never seen before.

"Listen." Yang stated forcibly, "You and I? We're not friends. You're an intern and I'm your resident. That's all." She seemed to struggle with her actions as she spoke, "On principle, I'm not supposed to associate with you in any manner other than to teach you and make your internship a living hell. But in the end, you're Little Grey. And for some twisted reason that means that I'm supposed to help you out on some level or whatever."

"I'm not following," Lexie stated, she was getting a disturbing amount of new friends today.

"You're Mer's... whatever. And lately, you've become some dark and twisty person just like her, so I have this annoying need to give you some sort of leeway. You're assigned to Robbins. You're assigned to PEDS. We both know why. We both know that there is some intervention going on there with little Sloan and all that crap. What I'm saying is I'm supposed to throw you to the dogs, but I'm leaving the choice up to you."

"Dr. Yang, I appreciate-" Lexie interjected before she was interrupted.

"Shut up, Little Grey. I don't bend the rules. This is a once and a lifetime occurrence, so let me get through with it so I can go back to not caring about you or your problems." Lexie nodded, allowing her resident to continue. "You can go to PEDS or you can be late to rounds."

"I'm sorry?"

"If you were late to rounds, I'd have a reason to send you to the pit. If you were late to rounds, you wouldn't be allowed to be put on a PEDS case." Christina pressed, widening her eyes in attempt to convey her point.

"But, I wasn't late to rounds." Lexie scratched her head.

Christina let out an annoyed grunt, that was more usual Christina, "For a smart girl, you're awfully dumb. If you just say you were late to rounds, you'd be late to rounds."

Lexie nodded, now understanding her resident's meaning. She smiled, though she didn't desire all the attention from the elder surgeons she was attracting today, she was grateful. "Dr. Yang, I don't know what to say; I'm-"

"Grey, go to the pit. You're pissing me off." Christina spat, her conviction lacking its usual venom.

Lexie nodded, "Right away, Dr. Yang."

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You're reviews and alerts mean the world, thank you for the chance! Sorry for the lack of Mcslexie this chapter, it's building up to the next two chapters, which should be out in a matter of days. I might start another story just so I can write Mark and Lexie together, because Grey's is making me pull out my hair in anticipation! Anyways, let me know what you think! Thank you for reading! P.s.- The title of this story is from the song 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' by Alicia Keys, in case you were interested!  
Remember, reviews equal love and love equals chapters!

-caprijoy


	3. Chapter 3

**Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart**

"So you miss the feeling when you step outside. Yeah, your mind comes all untied and then you open up your eyes and you don't feel lonely.  
See it feels bad now, but it's gonna get better. See it feels bad now, but it's gonna get better. See it feels bad now, but it's gonna get better, someday."  
- Almost Everything by WAKEY! WAKEY!

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Mark stood by his daughter's bedside as she ate her hospital jello. He didn't know what was going through her head. He didn't know if he wanted to know what was going through her head. As she stared at her spoonful of see-through green jello, he wondered if anything was going through her head.

It had been a solid twelve hours since the birth of his grandson. Now two thirty in the afternoon, Mark was shaking with anticipation and sleep deprivation. Sloan hadn't asked to see her son, but she hadn't picked up a phone to call the child's possible parents. She hadn't proposed they could all try to make it work, but she hadn't deemed it completely illogical either. Sloan hadn't spoken a word about her little boy, nor her intentions for him or his future. Sloan hadn't said anything of substance at all, and it was killing him.

"Why is hospital jello so, like, slimy and totally gross?" Sloan mumbled, making a face as she dropped the glob of jello on her spoon, back into its cup.

Before Mark could stop himself, he jumped into full-on parental mode, "Do you want something else? They have apple sauce or, or ice cream, I'm sure I could get you a salad or a sandwich or something."

"No, it's whatever." Sloan replied disinterestedly, placing her jello cup back on her plate and laying back down, "I'm not really hungry."

Mark sat down in the chair next to her hospital bed, "Sloan, you have to eat something. Your body needs to recover, its been through an insurmountable amount of trauma today, not to mention these past nine months."

Sloan rolled her eyes, "Dad, I just pushed a melon out of my uterus, I understand the pain I've been put through."

"Right, sorry." Mark apologize, running his hands through his hair. He wanted to ask, he felt like he needed to ask, but he couldn't ask. He was a coward in the presence of his own daughter. He took a deep breath before speaking, slowly and unsurely, his voice just above a whisper. "Have you, er-, um... Have you thought about what you want to do, with the kid I mean."

Sloan sighed loudly, "Actually, you know I am kind of hungry. Could you go to the cafeteria and get me a sandwich or something? Maybe a salad too. And a coke, a coke would be awesome." She couldn't have this conversation, not with him. Not right now.

Mark rose out of his chair, "Of course, I'll be right back." He laid a loving hand on her head, briefly running it over her scalp. Though it felt unequivocally redeeming that he had someone in his life to wait on hand and foot, he couldn't escape the annoying voice of reason at the back of his head, reminding him that this situation was only temporary.

As he walked towards the door, Sloan spoke again, "Could you also send Dr. Robbins in? I have some questions I need to ask her."

Mark opened the door before turning around and giving his daughter a small smile, "Sure thing, kid."

Within a few minutes, Dr. Robbins appeared at the door. "Hello Sloan, how are you feeling?" The surgeon walked over to the machines monitoring Sloan's heart rate and other areas of possible concern. She opened Sloan's chart and scribbled a few notes, before turning to the seemingly anxious blonde laying in the hospital bed.

"Did you send for Lexie, like I asked? Lexie Grey, I know there's a lot of Dr. Grey's in this hospital, I've heard all about the Grey drama. So that's why I'm making sure you paged for Lexie Grey, and not Meredith or any other Grey. Because I kind of need her and she's not here." Sloan's words were speedy and slightly panicked, indicating a desperate need for the littlest Grey.

Arizona remained calm in the midst of Sloan's anxiety, "I requested Dr. Lexie Grey to be put on my service today, I even spoke with her this morning. I'm surprised she isn't here, but I could page her again if you'd like."

"Yes, yes please. Because I really need her right now and I can't really talk to my dad before I talk to her, and he really wants to talk. Like really. And he's here, and he's hovering, and he wants to know things, things that I don't have the answer to because Lexie isn't here."

The surgeon nodded slowly, "I'll page her right away." Arizona turned towards the door, before the new mother's voice stopped her once again.

"Could you tell her to meet me somewhere other than here?" Sloan lifted her blankets, in preparation for possible relocation. "I just, I don't want my dad to know. He'd be heart broken if he found out I went to her before I talked to him, and I don't need anymore guilt in my life at this moment."

Dr. Robbins turned towards Sloan with a smile, she was slightly amazed at the amount of maturity Sloan had obtained since they last met. Though it wasn't a heavy amount, she had acquired understanding and compassion; which meant she was on her way to becoming an actual adult, "I think I have the perfect place."

* * *

Lexie looked at the little faces laying in their little beds. She couldn't help the smile that spread over her face as she saw them wiggle and examen the world around them. They were so perfect, so untouched by reality, oblivious to the outside world. They hadn't been damaged yet, they hadn't been disappointed or heart broken, they had a whole life of possibility in front of them. It was so despairingly beautiful and wonderfully tragic, tears welled up in the eyes of the sentimental dark blonde. It wasn't fair that in a matter of years they would know hurt and pain and abuse. It wasn't fair that damage was one of life's requirements. You couldn't survive if you never acknowledged the impurities of the world, Lexie found that out the hard way.

She sighed as she lowered her hand from the glass window, separating her and the newborn babies. At the sound of her voice, she turned her head to meet an adaptation of the piercing blue eyes she had once fell in love with.

"Sloan," Lexie was taken aback at the appearance of the new mother. "What are you doing here?" She mentally slapped herself, it was quite apparent that she was here to see her son. Lexie outwardly cringed at her own stupidity, "Sorry, I'm just- sorry. You're here to see your son, I'm just, I'm not all together today." Lexie shook her head and took a step forward, embracing Sloan in a gentle hug.

This affection surprised Sloan. How was this woman in her arms able to stand the sight of her, the very person who tore her away from her one true love. Okay, while it was gross to think of her own father as somebody's true love, Sloan had to admit that was what Lexie and Mark were, they were true and they were passionately, vomit-inducingly in love. And with her arrival, Sloan tore that perfection down from the cloud it had been floating on.

Sloan squeezed Lexie tightly as tears cascaded from her eyes. Lexie pulled back slightly, keeping her arms around Sloan in a warm, motherly affectionate way. "Sloan, why are you crying?" Lexie asked delicately, rubbing Sloan's arms soothingly.

Sloan tried to fight for words as she sobbed uncontrollably, "I can't, I can't, I... I... I can't-"

Lexie hugged the hormonal woman once more, shushing her and whispering the words her own self longed for someone to say to her, "It's okay, it's all going to be okay."

After awhile, Sloan pulled herself away from the embrace and wiped her eyes. Lexie watched her with concern, waiting patiently for Sloan to speak.

The younger blonde stared at the floor, slightly ashamed. She spoke quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, "I didn't come here to see him."

Lexie shook her head. She had been paged to the PEDS floor, suspecting Arizona had only wished to give her an option to see Sloan. It was clear now that she was paged because Sloan needed to see her. Which made Lexie's heart swell with pride and anxiety.

"I didn't come here to see him," Sloan restated, "I came to see you. To talk to you." Sloan looked up from the floor, briefly meeting Lexie's eyes before once again turning her gaze away. Lexie waited silently, patiently for Sloan to continue. "He's waiting on my decision, they both are." She admitted, referring to both her son and her father. "But I don't know, I don't know what to do. The parents I picked," Sloan turned to face the window that exposed at least ten babies, one of them being her son. "The parents I picked for him are awesome. Ya know? They're totally cool, they have a lot of property where he can run around and play, they really want kids to love and spoil; they're exactly what parents should be. And they're wicked smart too, so I know he'd be a brainiac if they raised him. He could reach his full potential with them."

Sloan played with the fabric of her hospital gown, "But, at the same time, my dad wouldn't get a chance. He's put up with so much of my crap during this pregnancy, while my mom was off being a hypocrite and refusing to help me out. He wasn't allowed to be there for me when I was growing up, but this is kinda like his second chance, ya know? Like this child is kind of like my gift to him. If I keep my son, I know my dad won't screw him up, like I would. I know he'd give him everything a baby, a person could ever need. I know my dad could be a great father figure for my kid, he'd be more than a grandpa. I know he deserves to have that chance. But, but I, I don't-"

Lexie nodded sympathetically, "But you're caught between what's best for your father and what's best for your son."

Sloan turned to Lexie, fresh tears forming in her eyes, "What do I do?"

Lexie was speechless. In all the months she had known Sloan, she had never expected this amount of sophistication. Sloan was really growing into a fine woman, she was sacrificing what she wanted for the people who meant the most to her. She saw that her father and her son were above herself, and out of all of these possible outcomes, she hadn't even contemplated factoring her own desires and needs into the equation.

The surgeon looked at the girl before her with a new respect. Lexie offered her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, before asking, "You know what everybody else wants you to do, you know what your dad wants, you know what the family you were talking to wants. But, what do you want?"

Sloan stumbled on her words for a minute, offering only syllables and sounds before bringing her thoughts together, "I want to go to college. I want to make something of myself. I want to have a conversation with somebody and not have them look at me like I'm an idiot. I want to do something with my life and prove to my mom and everyone else that I can amount to something, that I'm not just a screw-up. I want to be someone my dad and my son can be proud of. I want to wait until I'm ready to take care of a child. I want to be stable and supportive. I want to grow up." Sloan's voice built in passion and frequency, until she was almost shouting.

Lexie placed a hand on Sloan's shoulder as the teen heaved, trying to control her emotions. The new mother was experiencing a whirlwind of questions and consequences, all at one time. She fell to her knees and pressed her back against the wall. Lexie sat down beside her and took Sloan's hand in her own.

Lexie spoke soothingly, as she rubbed her thumb across Sloan's hand, "You're not a screw-up. You're scared and you're unsure, but you're not a screw-up. And believe it or not, you are growing up and you are someone your father and your son are proud of. You can do all those things you want to do. You can go to college, you can experience life, you can become whoever you want to be. You just have to let yourself."

Sloan laid her head on Lexie's shoulder. It was surreal, Lexie would've never imagined caring for this selfish, egocentric, oblivious little girl. And yet, here they were. Lexie was the one she had turned to, Lexie was the one she had reached out for, Lexie was the one Sloan needed.

"How?" Sloan asked defeatedly.

Lexie stroked Sloan's hair lightly, "You know how."

* * *

Thank you guys for all the reviews and alerts! I think you'll enjoy the next chapters to come, or at least I hope you will!  
Remember: reviews are love, love is chapters!

-caprijoy:)


	4. Chapter 4

**Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart**

"Here I am, with all the pleasures of the first world laid out for me, who am I to breakdown?  
Everyday we wake up, we choose light, we choose love, and I try, it's too easy just to fall apart."  
- You, Me and The Bourgeoisie by The Submarines

**

* * *

**

It had taken a lot for Mark to come to this point in his life. To be able to sit here, next to his daughter, and offer his support no matter what her decision. It had taken years of mistakes and failures, months of self-hatred and self-loathing, weeks of reveling in his sad excuse for a life, days of agonizing torment from the reminders of his past, hours upon hours of sleep deprivation due to his conflicting mind, and moments of utter disgust with own audacity. Mark Sloan had come a long way to get this point in his life, and now all of his hopes, all of his future plans rode on a single woman's one decision.

"I called Shane and Beth, the parents I had picked a few weeks ago." Sloan spoke slowly, gently, as if the sheer sound of her voice would break her father in unimaginable ways. "They should be here in a couple hours."

Mark swallowed, he tried to hold back the anger, the hurt of his daughter's choice. But he couldn't. He tried to muster some feelings of pride or confidence in Sloan for making up her mind, choosing the best option for her son. But nothing stirred inside of him. He tried to speak words of understanding and acceptance to convey to the new mother that he got it, he understood why she chose the sensible, stable family over her own, emotionally-wrecked father. But no words came.

He couldn't hold back his anger, nor his pain, because he felt neither. He couldn't muster any feelings, because he could not feel anything. He couldn't convey any words of love nor understanding, because he couldn't speak at all. He felt nothing, not a single thing.

Sloan reflected back to just an hour ago, as Lexie had held her in silence. Lexie may not have been ready for a mothering role, but Sloan certainly thought she would've made a great one, she would, one day, make a great one. Even if she was just a few years older than herself, Lexie Grey was more of a mother than to her than Sloan's own mother was.

After a while on the floor, Sloan sighed and proposed they get up and face the impending situation. Lexie had seen the new mother was still a bit weary of her decision and instead grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room of newborns.

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Sloan stated, looking around nervously. "We shouldn't be in here."

Lexie gave her a small smile before picking up a newborn swaddled in a blue blanket, "I'm a doctor, and this little guy," Lexie spoke calmly, confidently, while supporting the baby's head, "has your DNA. So yes, this is a good idea, and we should be in here."

Sloan shook her head as Lexie walked towards her with the little boy in her arms, "I don't- you agreed that the best decision was…" Her voice trailed off as Lexie offered the baby to her. "I can't." Sloan stated simply.

Lexie looked at the small life in her hands before turning her gaze to Sloan, "You can. Here, sit." Lexie walked towards a rocking chair located in the corner of the room. Sloan sat down rigidly as Lexie set the newborn in her arms. "I know what I said and I know what you said, but you need to hold him, Sloan. You need to see him in front of you, meet him, love him. You need to realize that you're making the right decision for both of you." Lexie stood above Sloan and her son, as she watched the blonde relax and cradle the baby silently. "You need to recognize that you're doing a good thing here. You need to meet your son and know that you won't regret your choice, because it's the right one."

Sloan sighed contently, her son sleeping soundlessly in her arms. "It's going to be hard," Lexie continued, "when you tell your dad. It's going to be hard when you give him away. It's going to be the hardest thing you'll ever do. And you'll reflect back on your options and you'll wonder if you've chosen what was best. But at those times, the times that make you question your choice, question yourself, you'll reflect back on this moment and you'll know that the little baby in your arms, that your son, is safe and wanted and loved." Lexie's voice was barely above a whisper now, "Remember this moment."

Sloan closed her eyes in her hospital bed as her father stared at her, emotionless. She closed her eyes and remembered the way she had felt as she held her son. She remembered how he smelled, how peaceful and serene he had seemed, how perfect he was. She remembered that moment. And as the weight of her guilt mounted upon her shoulders, she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision. She opened her eyes to find her father nodding, his lips pursed in thought.

Sloan wrung her hands in her lap nervously, before relaying the speech she had previously prepared in her head, just like Lexie suggested. "They have a huge backyard. Shane and Beth, they have acres of land, grassy land with trees and room to run. Little boys need room to run. Beth is a kindergarden teacher, so when he's ready for school she'll have the same time schedule as him. They'll have summers off together and get out at the same time. I thought that'd be nice. Shane owns a contracting company. He, um, he has his own at home office. So if he was ever needed to stay home, he could. They have a summer house in North Carolina, right on the beach. They, they're great people, Dad. They're great people and they'll take care of him, they'll love him and they'll give him everything he could ever need."

Mark nodded, his eyes still blank, conveying no emotion. He was empty. Without consciously knowing, he had laid all his hope and desire into this child, the mere opportunity to establish himself in this little boy's life. Mark had treated the birth of his grandson as a chance to make up for all his years of mistakes and failures, an opportunity to redirect the pain of those months of self-hatred and self-loathing, a clean slate to his weeks of reveling in his sad excuse for a life, days to rewrite the agonizing torture of the past, a reason for him to close his eyes at night and open them in the morning, moments to dedicate his whole self to someone more worthy. He had placed his everything into a choice, a life that was not his own.

"Dad, please say something." Sloan asked, desperation seeping from her voice.

Mark avoided her eyes, "I- I, um..." Words escaped him. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to feel? What the hell was he supposed to do? "I'm going to get some air." He ran his hand through his hair as he walked towards the door. He turned around, his hand on the door knob, "I- um, they'll... er..."

Sloan understood, though he couldn't see her, she shook her head vigorously, sympathy shining in her eyes, "I'll make sure you meet them when they get here, I'll make sure you get a chance to say goodbye."

Mark nodded and opened the door, walking away from his daughter, walking away from his failure at fatherhood, walking away from his chance; he couldn't feel anything.

* * *

Mark sat silently in an on-call room, phone in hand, he didn't remember how he got there and he didn't know when he'd be ready to leave. All he knew, after he left his daughter's side, was that his feet were moving and somehow, by some sick twist of fate, his heart was still beating.

He still didn't feel a single thing, not a damn thing. That was probably the thing that terrified him the most. He should be doubled over in pain, his daughter found him unfit for parenting. He should be seething from anger, he couldn't get it together long enough to support another life, some semblance of a relationship. He should be wallowing in his own tears of disappointment, he had just lost his chance to prove he wasn't a complete and utter failure. Instead, he was numb.

He pressed a few buttons on his phone, he tried to concentrate all his will power on his fingers coordinating the necessary arrangement of numbers and letters. His concentration failed him after he pressed send. His thoughts fell straight back to the nothing he was feeling. He was lost in thought. He couldn't understand how he couldn't feel a thing. How was it possible?

A few minutes passed before there was a small knock at the door, Mark let out a gruff, "Come in."

Lexie stepped through the threshold, though her scrub top was now facing forward, her shoes were still mismatched. "I got, a..." She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest, "I was paged here." Lexie tried to read his face, tried to gage his emotions: was he hurting? Was he accepting? Had Sloan even told him yet? Her doe eyes were wide, searching his for something, anything.

Mark nodded, his eyes still empty, "I paged you."

Lexie's breath caught in her throat, she told him. Sloan told Mark and now he hated Lexie. He hated her and he had paged her to scream at her, yell at her for helping his daughter come to this conclusion. He was going to yell and scream and hate her, because she deserved it. Lexie shouldn't of meddled, she shouldn't of helped sway Sloan without at least telling her to talk to her father. No matter how right Lexie had been, no matter how right she still was, she didn't get to have an opinion. She lost that right when she had lost Mark.

Lexie squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for whatever hateful words came next. She could take it, there was nothing Mark could say that she hadn't already told herself. There was nothing he could call her that she hadn't already called herself. There was no way he could hurt her that she hadn't already inflicted upon herself. After all, she had given up on him; nothing could hurt worse than letting him walk away.

"Sloan's giving the baby to the parents she picked a couple months ago." He spoke calmly, with no sort of emotion, no sort of anger. He spoke as though he was discussing the weather, nothing out of the ordinary. Lexie opened her eyes.

Mark sat stoically on the bed opposite Lexie's current position. He shook his head, as if trying to process the day's occurrences, trying to understand, to comprehend his life.

Lexie's heart broke for the man across from her, he didn't deserve this, to be tortured so many times due to wrong choices and others leading him to misconceptions, "Mark," she stated softly, tears welling in her eyes. This was her fault. If only she had fought, if only she had accepted her role in his life, in Sloan's life. Somehow, someway this could be better. She should've made this better.

Mark stood up and met Lexie's sympathetic eyes straight on. They stood there for a few minutes, each staring at the other. Mark's eyes turned a shade darker, with a passion Lexie remembered so well. Her breathing became irregular.

Before she could speak again, he lifted his shirt above his head and crumpled it in his hands. Her mouth went dry. His sculpted stomach was just as she remembered it. Her fingertips tingled, itching to once again trace along the contours of his abdomen, just as she had done so many times before as they laid together in bed. She turned away, forcing her gaze towards the wall. She glanced at him briefly before turning her head back towards the wall.

"Mark-" The word came out strangled, as she tried to control her heartbeat, her breathing, her composure, "I don't think we should..." She turned her eyes towards his lusty glare. She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't know if she had it in her to resist him.

He threw his ball of a shirt to the ground with a smirk, though he exuded confidence, he felt as though he would fall apart if she were to turn him down, again. "Come on," he said enticingly, taking small steps forward, towards her.

His smirk grew as she stayed in place, she wasn't backing away, she wasn't running, she was just staring. He could see the internal battle she was fighting, he could see he was pushing her too far. But he couldn't help it, he couldn't stop. "Am I really so bad?"

She wanted to laugh, he was quoting her. He was reminiscing, trying to get her to remember how they started. She wanted to let him charm her, she wanted to let him help her to remember, but she couldn't rid herself of the stabbing pain in her stomach. This wasn't Mark Sloan, this was a vulnerable man who just wanted to escape. If she went through with this, if she gave into him, she wasn't just risking her feelings, she was risking his as well. She would be taking advantage of him, she would be risking losing him for good. This could very well be the straw that would crumble their whole foundation.

She sighed, "Why?" She asked desperately, if he continued, if she let him continue, this would only end in disaster, they would end in disaster. "This isn't going to help you feel better. Tell me why, tell me why you want this."

He continued forward step by step, he didn't stutter, he didn't break to catch his thought, he spoke clearly and concisely, "Because right now, at this very second, I don't feel a single thing." He took another step forward, "I need to feel something." And then another, "I need to feel you." He stopped a mere foot away from where she stood, "When we were together, when we kissed today, it was the only time I've felt anything at all."

He stood right in front of her, his eyes locked on hers. She could feel the tickle of his breath on her lips, she couldn't hold out for much longer, she knew that.

"So, I'm going to ask you one more time," his smirk was gone now, but the intensity still radiated from his eyes, "Am I really so bad?"

All Lexie thought, as his blue eyes pierced her doe brown ones was that she shouldn't do this, he was vulnerable, he could regret it later on, he could hate her. She was taking advantage of him, his state. She was the reason he was at the point and she was going to abuse this moment, abuse his feelings. She shouldn't do this.

She shouldn't do this.

She took a deep breath and closed the gap between their bodies, her lips inching closer to his. She whispered softly, "No, I am." Before closing her eyes and pressing her mouth to his.

* * *

I figured, after Thursday's episode, we could all use a little McSlexie lovin'!

Reviews please!

P.s.- This story will be rated M as of next chapter, due to possibility :)

-CapriJoy:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart**

"I've never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. Set me free, leave me be; I don't fall another moment into your gravity.  
Here I am, and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're onto me, and all over me. You loved me cause I'm fragile, but I thought that I was strong.  
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone."  
- Gravity by Sara Bareilles

**

* * *

**

He stood right in front of her, his eyes locked on hers. She could feel the tickle of his breath on her lips, she couldn't hold out for much longer, she knew that.

"So, I'm going to ask you one more time," his smirk was gone now, but the intensity still radiated from his eyes, "Am I really so bad?"

She took a deep breath and closed the gap between their bodies, her lips inching closer to his. She whispered softly, "No, I am." Before closing her eyes and pressing her mouth to his. Lexie placed her cold hands against Mark's hard, warm chest, as he enveloped her in his arms.

They stood there awhile, with his arms wrapped around her and her lips pressed against his. They stood there and soaked it all in. She was here, in his arms, and neither of them had felt this right in so long. Suddenly Mark was reminded of all of it, all the reasons they broke up, all the reasons they couldn't be together, all the reasons he shouldn't be here, in this moment; they shouldn't be here.

Mark took a step back, away from Lexie. Her eyes fell as she watched him walk around her towards the door. She knew this was coming, though she hadn't suspected it would happen so soon. She tried to stop the tears welling in her eyes, she could wait until he was gone, she would wait until he was gone. She wasn't going to let Mark see them fall.

Mark stopped at the door, his hand hovering over the metal handle. Lexie's back was toward him, but she could still hear him breathing rapidly. There was a clicking noise, and a single tear slid down her cheek. Before she could think, before she could breathe, she was once again in his arms.

He kissed her fiercely, urgently, desperate to forget all the reasons they didn't work. He felt her kiss him back just as hard, with a passion he had missed more than he'd like to admit. She held his face in her hands, pulling it towards her lips and keeping it there. He walked her backwards, her body making a thud against the now locked door. He placed his hands on the wood on both sides by her head, trapping her between his arms. Their lips were fused together, never once parting. His tongue swept the inside of her mouth, desperate to taste her innocence again.

Her hands worked to undo his belt and then the buttons on his jeans. He kicked off his shoes, his socks, and his pants; all the while, his lips never leaving hers. Her hands were everywhere, weaving themselves through his hair, running down his chest, removing his clothes. Her touch drove him insane, the way she smelled, the way she was, it was all so familiar; how could this be wrong?

He felt moisture against his face, he tasted salt upon her lips, and for the first time in what seemed like hours, he pulled his hungry lips away. He pressed his forehead against hers and opened his eyes.

Though her eyes were still squeezed shut, he saw the tears trickle down her cheeks. He brushed his fingers across her skin, catching some of the wet drops. She opened her bloodshot eyes and his heart broke. He could feel the pain, the stab to his insides, the breaking of his heart; he could feel everything.

"Lex," his voice was barley audible, she had wondered if he had spoken at all.

She mustered all her strength to form the broken smile that spread across her face, she shook her head lightly, her forehead still touching his. She closed her eyes, before opening them and meeting his once again, "I missed you, I miss you."

He gave her a small smile, he couldn't help the flutter of his stomach at her words, "I missed you, too."

He crashed his lips to hers again, more urgent now. He had to feel her, all of her.

He pulled her scrub top over her head as they stumbled over to the bed. She threw off her shoes and pulled off her pants, as they fell onto the mattress. Mark lowered his body slowly onto hers, the pressure of him on top of her made Lexie smile against his lips.

At her smile, Mark smiled as well. This was perfect, they were perfect; in this moment, everything was perfect. He moved his mouth to her neck, placing kisses against her collarbone as she worked the rest their clothes off.

The urgency dissipated, their kisses slowed, Mark's mouth returned back to Lexie's lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. She kissed him slowly, deliberately, before pulling her head back, resting it against the pillow.

His naked body was pressed against hers, it would only be a matter of moments before the inevitable took place. She pursed her lips together and stared into Mark's eyes for the hundredth time that day. It didn't get old, meeting his eyes. She had avoided them for so long, it was consoling, having the freedom to stare openly at him, into his piercing blue orbs.

Her lips curled upward, she was still broken, she was still hurting, but her smile was genuine. She kept her arms around him, stroking his hair. Mark returned her smile with a small one of his own, his elbows were on the mattress on either side of her, keeping the entirety of his weight off of Lexie.

She took a deep breath, keeping his gaze, "I love you."

Mark crumbled at her words, for a moment he just stared. It wasn't too soon, it was never too soon; she had just been afraid. It wasn't too soon, it was right now, now wasn't too soon or too late. Now was perfect.

He kissed her hard, desperately, as though she was the only source of his oxygen supply, as though if he would break at their separation. He only broke the kiss a second as he whispered, "I love you, so much." Before reconnecting his mouth to hers and entering her, they both moaned at the finality of reunion.

* * *

They laid in the bed, tangled up in each other. Neither said a word. They weren't talking, they weren't kissing, they were just laying with each other, like they had done so many times before.

Lexie ran her finger along his stomach, trying to keep her head from blowing up, blazing before their very eyes. It was like a waiting game, she had waited for this moment, to be in his arms. She had waited for him to come to his senses with Sloan and the baby. She had waited for him to tell her he had made a mistake in neglecting her, in not choosing her. And now, now she waited for it all to set it. She waited for the explosion.

Mark's silence killed her, she didn't know what he was thinking, she didn't know what he wanted, she didn't know how he felt; she didn't know and it killed her. She had to know, "Mark," she stated softly, her head still against his chest.

"I've been thinking about it," his voice once again emotionless, "why you and I don't work, I've been thinking about it, and it doesn't make any sense."

Lexie unwrapped herself from him, before he had the chance to push her away. She laid straight and still, she copied his current position and looked up towards the ceiling.

"I chose my daughter, she's blood, she's _my_ blood, _my_ DNA. I chose my daughter, because there was no other choice. She needed me, she needs me, Lex. I thought you of all people would understand that." Mark shook his head, glaring at the cracks in the ceiling.

Lexie sighed defeatedly, "I have to go." She sat up, making sure to hide her face away from his accusing eyes.

"Why? Because I'm telling you the truth? Because I'm telling you what you don't want to hear? Because you can't stand the thought of coming in second to anyone else?"

Mark could tell she was trying not to cry, she always took heavy breaths when she was trying to control her emotions. He could only see her naked back as she spoke, "Not to you." She spoke quietly, and yet with so much conviction he felt as though he was preparing for his inevitable destruction, that he would literally crumble to shards of his former self at the sound of her words. "You chose your daughter." She continued in the same tone, "You chose your daughter. She's your daughter." Lexie placed no emphasis on any words as she spoke. "She's your daughter, but you're not her father."

Mark let her words storm inside of his mind for a few seconds before urging her to stop, "Lexie, stop-"

She stood up and wrapped a bed sheet around her small frame. She faced him and then he knew. He knew that there would be no way he would make it out of this conversation with his dignity intact. He knew that she was going to speak the truth. He knew the truth will irreparably break him. He knew that he had made the wrong decision. Mark knew everything she was going to say. And he knew he wasn't going to make it out alive, he knew he didn't want to listen. "No." She replied simply, "No, I won't stop. You say I don't want to hear the truth? You say I don't want to comprehend your beliefs? You say I can't stand the thought of my placement in the grand scheme of Mark Sloan's life? Who the hell are you to say anything at all, Mark? You may have provided the genetic material that generated that scared woman you've come to know, but all you are, all you've been to her the past eighteen years of her life is a mere twenty-three chromosomes."

"Lex-"

"You want to talk to me about coming in second? How does it feel to come in last?" Her eyes turned a shade darker, this time in anger. They weren't just talking about his placement in Sloan's life anymore, they were hashing it all out; the breakup, the choices, the mistakes. It was all on the table. "You were her last resort. You think you're her dad? You can't raise her anymore, she's already formulated her own opinions, she's already experienced her own mistakes, and she's already learned what she's chosen to take out of her life. A life that you have not been apart of. She doesn't need you." Throughout her proclamation, her voice had risen with anger. Accusation after accusation aimed at Mark and his abhorable behavior. However, at her last words, her eyes softened and her voice came out in barely a whisper. "She doesn't need you and it kills you."

"Please, Lexie."

"You want me to handle my truths? Well, here are yours." Her words sliced his skin with a unfathomable delicacy. "She's scared, but she's not a kid. You want to take some responsibility, because you're a good man. But as a good man you need to realize, not all of your regrets can be reputably erased. Take responsibility in that. That you can't undo your past. You can't go back and make yourself present in that woman's life. She doesn't need you. She's learned to live without you. You have to accept that."

She sat back on the bed and placed his head in her hands, gently stroking his cheeks with the pads of her fingers. "You have to accept that Sloan is not at a point in her life where she can take care of herself and a baby. And you have to accept that, as equipped as you are, that baby doesn't deserve to be your second chance at raising a child. That baby isn't your way to make up for your absence in Sloan's life. That baby deserves a clean slate and a family that can give it to him."

Tears fell silently from Mark's piercing blue eyes, "You are a good man, Mark. Be a good man." She ran her fingers across his face, catching tear after tear. He knew she was right, he knew he had missed his chance with Sloan, he knew his grandson wasn't his catharsis on which to purge his sin. He knew.

Lexie placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. And then another one on his cheek, and then one on his chin, and then one on his nose. She placed delicate kisses across his face, as Mark closed his eyes and focused on the feel of her lips against his skin again. She placed a light kiss on his lips, and then another one, and then another one, before capturing his lips with the anger, passion, and remorse that their absence from each other had left them with. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Her fingers ran through his hair as his tongue swept the inside of her mouth.

This was it. This was what they had been missing. This was why their lives had seemed so ordinary and meaningless. Without a means there is no end. Without Lexie, Mark ceased to exist. He had gotten it all twisted and mixed up in the beginning. He thought Sloan needed him, he thought Sloan and the baby needed him to step up and be someone worthy of fatherhood. He thought it wasn't about his needs or desires anymore, he thought that the mere fact that he had a child meant it wasn't about him anymore, he thought that because it wasn't about him, it had to be about Sloan. But what Mark didn't realize was that without Lexie, he would have never been able to come to this conclusion in the first place. That he would've never gotten past the fact that it wasn't about him, his whole life wasn't about himself. It wasn't until this very moment, the moment that he finally had Lexie back in his arms, that he could even fathom the perplexity of this situation.

Sloan was a fragment of his own regret, therefore by making everything about her, he was making everything about himself. It wasn't about him at all. It wasn't even about Sloan. Everything Mark was now, everything he could hope to be, everything he could hope to dream, it was all about Lexie. All he had to do was choose her, all he had to do was pick her. And he couldn't even do that. Lexie needed him, he needed Lexie, and he had thrown it all to hell.

The sound of his pager brought them back to reality, Lexie pulled away from him and stood up, "I have to go."

* * *

I wrote the second part when I first started this story, I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Reviews are love, love is chapters :)

-CapriJoy


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